Forgive and Forget

There’s a phrase that people use that kind of drives me crazy. “Forgive and forget.” I have gone through my fair share of hurt in my lifetime, and while I have forgiven people, it’s really hard to forget about it all. Frankly, I don’t know that we need to forget about it either. How does one forget about the scars that have forever changed the way they look at themselves?

I spent a little while this afternoon in conversation with a friend. Amidst our conversation, I reminisced about a past experience that had caused both me and my wife (and probably our immediate family as well) a good deal of hurt. In the midst of the reminiscence, I got pretty agitated and frustrated. It’s hard for me not to get somewhat upset when I remember that time and the emotion that my wife and I both felt as we felt that we were so helplessly navigating the waters of our situation.

I guess what really matters in the forgiveness is that we not forget, but that we truly forgive. It can’t just be lip service, we need to really exhibit behavior that tells everyone that we have forgiven. It’s easy for me to say that I have forgiven someone while still holding a grudge in my heart. I honestly thought that I had forgiven the people who had caused us such pain, but after this afternoon, I’m not so sure that I did.

Jesus said, “Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.” I have found that it’s incredibly difficult to stay angry with someone when I am praying for them. It’s not easy, and it takes time to move past those prayers like, “Lord, I’m praying for them, but I don’t like it.” Or “Lord, I pray that you will teach them a lesson that they won’t ever forget.” Those aren’t the kinds of prayers that Jesus was talking about when he said what he said in Luke 6. He meant that we need to pray for them and ask that God would bless them.

That’s no easy task. It takes a process of praying. It can’t be something that we do once and really expect that we will be transformed. Transformation is like what happens to a caterpillar when it turns into a butterfly: it takes time. It’s not something that happens overnight. As we pray for those who hurt us and mistreat us, God changes our hearts, He breaks our hearts for these people.

I realized this afternoon that I had stopped praying for the people who had hurt me. My reaction really came out of the fact that I had shirked my responsibility in praying for them. I’m not sure when I stopped praying, but it must have been long enough ago to have had me have the reaction that I did when speaking with my friend.

So, if you have experienced hurt, which I know you have, try praying for the people who have hurt you. Sometimes there are opportunities to talk out the situation with those people. I had those opportunities, took those opportunities, and have come a long way from those opportunities. Maybe you still have those opportunities. Take them. Also, as you pray for the people, pray that God would change your heart and help you to forgive them. Holding a grudge never hurts the people who you hold a grudge against, they don’t even know that you’re holding it against them. But it does hurt you.

May we pray for the ones who hurt us in order that God might transform us into people who love Him and others more and more every day.

Soundtrack

I have a pretty vast music collection. There’s not that much that I don’t listen to. I guess as I get older, I’m showing some of my preferences. I’ve been a big Dylan fan for a while, enough to have one of his songs sung at my wedding and to name my firstborn after him. Also been a fan of Miles Davis, though I am not impressed with his misogynistic ways, he played a mean trumpet and could always do a lot with just a few notes.

One of the sections of my collection that is always growing is my soundtrack collection. I would have to say that my two favorite soundtrack composers are John Williams and Danny Elfman. Both are unique in their styles and are probably fairly opposite of one another. John Williams writes sweeping orchestral scores while Danny Elfman is a former progressive 80s rock band frontman (he used to sing lead vocals for Oingo Boingo, you know, “It’s a dead man’s party….”).

The thing about movie soundtracks is that, for anyone who pays attention, the good ones can take you right back to that movie. Who hasn’t looked for a whip and a fedora after hearing the Raiders March from Raiders of the Lost Ark? Who doesn’t start doing their best Darth Vader impression when they heard the Imperial March from Star Wars? Who doesn’t say, “E.T. phone home” after hearing that movie’s theme song? Maybe I’m the weird one, but I do it all the time.

Dick Clark said, “Music is the soundtrack of your life.” I would have to agree. I legitimately think that it’s possible to choose the wrong song for a moment. As a melancholic, one who is easily drawn into the emotion of the moment, I have to be pretty careful about what I listen to and when. For instance, in self-preservationist fashion, I load my CD player for my weekly drives to northern Virginia strategically so as to have all of the rockin’ fast music come while I am on my way home at 10PM at night. There’s less chance of me falling asleep. Also, when I am driving to church on Sunday mornings, preparing to lead people in worship, you’re probably not going to find Ozzy Osbourne in my CD player. To be honest, silence works well during those moments.

But I echo Dick Clark’s statement because I have seen how true it is in my life. I can remember the song that my wife and I danced to for our first dance at our wedding. I can remember the songs that we had sung at our wedding. I can remember songs that were meaningful when I was in high school, ones that were “my song” with girls that I dated back then. I can remember songs that have been sung at funerals or other occasions that have stirred my heart. Music has the ability to sweep me away from the moment that I am in to a moment that I experienced once upon a time.

To be honest, I have to be careful too, with my tendency to be driven into a state of melancholy, that I don’t listen to certain music during certain periods of my life. It’s just not a good idea. It’s sort of like those two guys in City Slickers who make ice cream (a play on Ben and Jerry). The one can pick the perfect flavor for whatever kind of food someone might suggest. They test him on it and he proves himself with flying colors. Now, I’m not saying that I can pick the perfect song for any occasion, but I definitely know when songs fit and when they don’t. In some ways, I’m constructing the soundtrack of my life.

To some people, music is background noise. Others need complete silence to hear every note in order that they don’t miss something. Regardless of how you listen to music, it probably has a greater impact on you than you really knew. Not all music is good to listen to all the time.

As you walk through life, making memories, take note of the kind of music that you hear. Is it happy? Is it sad? Is it majestic and sweeping? Does it make you want to dance? If not, what can you do to change the soundtrack? What can you do to make sure that the music matches the moment as completely as possible? What kind of music are you making with your life?

Grace

As a pastor, I get to see and hear a lot of different things. Funny, I grew up in a pastor’s house and remember the whisperings of my parents who were no doubt trying to keep these kinds of stories from me. The stories run the gamut of topics, some of them are funny, some of them are sad, some make you angry, and some simply stun you as you wonder whether you’re dreaming at the absurdity of it all.

I have listened to people talk about the abuse that they have endured over long periods of time. I’ve sat in court waiting rooms with people who had to come face to face with their attackers. I have entered hospital rooms of recently deceased people as their families sat stunned at the reality of life that they were now facing. I’ve counseled people who had been convicted of things that would keep me from wanting my children around them. I’ve visited prisons and tried to act as if the idea of being there didn’t scare the crap out of me.

One thing that I have consistently seen in all of these situations is the grace of God. Ironically, that grace has more often than not come from unexpected places. I’ve seen people who by right should be bitter, angry, and unforgiving who have come to love and forgive the people who have caused them unspeakable pain. When I see this, I can’t help but stand in amazement at the God who has given them that grace.

As we approach the Easter season, I am reminded of Jesus’ words while on the cross, hanging naked in front of the very people who so desperately longed to see him there. Luke 23:34 reads, “Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing." And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.” Jesus exercised grace to the ones who had hurt him. That grace that was depicted in his crucifixion was just a glimpse into the grace that God had been exercising for years with His people. They had constantly run away from Him and been unfaithful, prostituting themselves with false gods and idols, pursuing their own selfish desires for a season before returning to the God who had been so gracious to them with repentant hearts.

Grace is a funny thing. We all love to receive it, but don’t have the easiest time giving it. In the midst of some of my experiences, I have desperately prayed that God would save my judgmental heart and help me to extend grace to people. It’s hard! Some situations more than others! But I have always had to think about how I would be feeling had I been standing or sitting where they were. I have seen too many cases in my own life where a few missteps past where I had gone could have landed me in situations where I may have needed more grace in the eyes of humanity than I did. I’ve thought to myself, “If I were them, how would I want me to react?”

Self-preservation seems to be an innate behavior. We all want to protect ourselves and the ones that we love. Sometimes our reactions are based on this self-preservation, but it’s not the healthiest thing all the time. Sometimes, we need to move past it to get to the place of grace. Grace and self-preservation don’t really coexist well together. In fact, I don’t think that they can. To get to that place of grace, we need to shed the armor of self-preservation and allow ourselves some vulnerability. That vulnerability might hurt, it might cause us pain, but it will allow us to be more like the One whom we follow. It will allow us to understand a little bit more exactly what He went through in order to redeem a fallen world and make a way to restore creation’s relationship with their Creator.

I can’t say that I never have a hard time with grace, that would be a lie (which I would need grace to be forgiven of), but I try. Next time you encounter a situation where grace is necessary, ask yourself how you would feel if you were on the other end of the situation. Chances are you’d want the grace that you may be hesitant to give. None of us will live lives in which we won’t need a little grace, let’s show a little grace in return.

Story

One of the aspects of my job that I have a love/hate relationship with is pastoral care. This is the responsibility of being the “pastor-on-call” and being available when people have surgeries, go to the hospital, have loved ones pass, or other significant life events that are taxing. There are some weeks that nothing significant happens when I am on call and other times where there is enough going on to keep me and my fellow pastors busy for a month.

The reason that I say I have a love/hate relationship with pastoral care is because life happens at its own pace, it never checks in to see whether or not it’s convenient for you or the people to whom you need to minister. It has a way of sneaking up on you when you least expect it and slapping you across the fate. Crises come into our lives, not like a welcome and invited guest, but as a perpetrator to the privacy and sometimes peacefulness of our lives. For that reason, I dislike it.

The reason that I love it is because I love stories. I am always willing to sit and listen to a good story. If you tell me that you have a story to tell me, I will most likely give you the time to tell it. I love to hear stories about people, especially the people with whom I am talking. Story always lets me get a glimpse into a life that I never saw before. Story always tells me what has happened before the moment in which I am taking part. Story gives me context and helps me understand why someone is the way that they are. Story makes a personal connection and people move from being faces to being personalities.

One day, I could probably write a book from all of the stories that I have heard just in my time of doing pastoral care. I could probably fill volumes, if I could actually remember all of the stories. But I can’t, so there won’t be any book deal today.

One of the stories that I constantly ask to hear from people is how they met their spouse. This is always incredibly entertaining when their spouse happens to be there with them. The entertaining part isn’t so much the telling of the story, but rather what happens before words are even spoken. Body language often starts the story before a mouth has even uttered a word. Certain couples will look at each other and it brings them back to a day years earlier when they stood face to face in front of each other and a whole lot of people and uttered words of commitment to one another. In those brief seconds, the couple relives that day right before my eyes. Then they start to describe their meeting, their courtship, their wedding, and all the aspects of their life together that have brought them to that moment. It’s a pretty cool experience.

The other story that I love to hear people talk about is when they met Jesus. Yet again, the story begins well before a word is even uttered. They are taken back to a day when they met someone who changed their life. Some stories are simple and plain, while others are the stuff that movies and books are made from. Regardless of which kind they are, it’s always exciting for me to hear these stories because it reminds me of when I met Jesus. My story isn’t anything extraordinary, it’s simple, but I know how that meeting has changed my life.

Stories take time. Some stories are better than others. Some stories meander, twist, and turn before they finally reach any kind of point or purpose. But they are all real stories that have been lived by real people. When I take the time to ask these kinds of questions and patiently wait for the stories to be told, I get a glimpse of something that you don’t see every day. If pastoral care wasn’t one of the things that I had to do, love it or hate it, I wouldn’t have that opportunity.

What kinds of things are you missing because you haven’t taken the time or opportunity to be patient and listen?

Get LOST!

Last night was the final season premiere of LOST. I, admittedly, was not a fan of LOST until some friends, whose opinion I respect, wouldn’t stop talking about it. With my schedule, I find it difficult to commit to a television program (no, that’s doesn’t classify as a “commitment issue”) because of the time it takes. I also don’t have DVR or TiVo to record things and watch them later. I do have high speed internet, which gives me the capability to watch shows online.

My wife and I journeyed through the first 5 seasons of LOST completely online. It got a little frustrating sometimes as ABC.com would sometimes take episodes off of their website for no apparent reason. My viewing times were really limited to times when I had a break from schoolwork, which didn’t leave an incredibly big window of opportunity. Needless to say, we finished season 5 last week and were ready for the sixth and final season to begin last night. I even read Chris Seay’s book “The Gospel According to Lost” in the interim.

The thing that has drawn me to LOST is the same thing that has drawn me to the genre of film in general. I am always intrigued at how people do not claim to be followers of Christ deal with the issue of spirituality. At some point, regardless of our religious affiliation, upbringing, or background, most of us will come to a point where we will ask ourselves questions about spirituality: who are we? Why are we here? What is my purpose? Am I free to do what I want? What is destiny? And on and on we could go with similar questions. I guess the reason that I like meeting people at that point of questioning is because it’s at that point where I find myself leaning more towards faith than reason.

One of the main conflicts in the whole LOST series is the conflict between those two: faith and reason. There are characters who represent one and characters who represent the other. There are also renegade characters that don’t seem to represent either or represent both. This is what has drawn me to LOST and as it enters into its final season, I suspect that there will be more people watching it than ever did before.

So, in response to last night’s premiere, I put together some questions and observations that have been stirring around my brain. I would love to hear the thoughts and wisdom of others who have opinions and questions of their own. Together, maybe we can navigate through the waters of faith and reason.

Questions
1) What is the mark on Jack’s neck?
2) Desmond is on the flight before it lands but when Jack looks for him after the Charlie situation, he’s nowhere to be found. What happened to him? Was he ever really there?
3) a. Why does Hurley not think that he is cursed in the LAX reality? He says, “I’m the luckiest guy alive.”
b. Why did Shannon, Boone’s sister, not get on the plane?
c. What happened that made this situations turn out different? Did something that was done in 1977?
4) What happened to Jack’s dad? Where is his body?
5) Hurley’s guitar case and Charlie’s guitar case look similar, but are all guitar cases made equal?
6) What is the source of the spring and what does it mean if the water is clear or not clear?
7) When did the man in black/smoke monster see Richard in chains? Or was he speaking figuratively, meaning he had been chained to Jacob for so long?
8) When Sayid is pulled from the water, his body is in the formation of one who was on a cross. What is the significance of Sayid’s resurrection?

Observations
On the flight back to LAX, Jack interacts with many people who he met on the island. Most of them will not have the same life alterations:
Bernard and Rose – the Island will no longer impact Rose’s cancer and she will not be healed
Sun and Jin - At LAX, Jin gets detained for not reporting all the money that he is carrying. Sun is given the opportunity to save him by speaking English, but she does not.
John Locke – the Island does not grant him the ability to walk, but he meets Jack who offers a consultation to evaluate whether something can be done.
Charlie - He attempts to commit suicide and Jack prevents that from happening, leading to his eventual arrest once the plane lands in LA

Most of the things that happened in the LAX scenario were not positive. I began to see how many positive impacts the Island had on the people who were stranded there.

In considering Jacob and the Man in Black/anti-Locke/Smoke Monster, now that Jacob is dead, what does it mean that the MIB/AL/SM wants to “go home?” Does he want to reintroduce evil into the world? Is the absence of Jacob the absence of good?

Just a few things to ponder after just the initial episode.

The Lost Practice of Sabbath

Christians are pretty good about following the Ten Commandments….well, at least 9 out of the 10. Why is it that we get all jumpy about breaking 9 of them, but when it comes to us keeping the Sabbath, we take that as optional? Of course, we could get into a discussion and debate about the Law and whether we are still under the Law with the New Covenant that we have in Christ, but that’s sort of missing the point.

On Christmas day, my family started a new tradition of sorts: we sat around the house and didn’t do anything. Well, we did stuff, just nothing that would take us away from the house and if anything, things that would help us to grow together as a family and appreciate the reason that we were celebrating that day: Jesus Christ. It was one of the best days that we had as a family. There were no deadlines. There was no rush. There was peace (as much as you can have in a house with a 3 year old and a 1 year old).

I had the opportunity the other day to take a “Spiritual Renewal” day. Some friends of ours have a lake house which they graciously allowed me to use for the day. It’s about an hour away, not too far to go for a day. Considering the December schedule that I had, it was a much needed break from all of the busyness that had occupied my life for the last month or so. I spent the day resting in God. I read, I prayed, I spent time in devotion, and I appreciated the stillness of a lake in Virginia in the winter, when the activity is minimal. It even got up to about 60 degrees. It was a time for nourishing and recharging my soul.

That’s really what Sabbath is all about. The Hebrew word that we get Sabbath from is “Shabbat” which means “to cease or rest.” Do we really know what that word means? Do we know what it means to slow down? Do we know what it means to find rest, and if we do, where do we find that rest? Do we really know what it means to stop or cease everything and take a break? I know that I struggle with the idea mightily. I have a hard time shutting my brain off and just being.

The first part of Psalm 37:7 says, “Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;” Jesus said in Matthew 11:28-30, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” King David wrote in Psalm 62:1, “My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him.” Where are we seeking solace and rest? Have we really come to grips with the fact that we serve a God who desires to give us rest?

God is willing to give us rest; he desires to give us rest, problem is that we can't stop long enough to accept and enjoy it. That's one of the reasons why it was commanded to the ancient Israelites. They needed to stop, reflect, and remember. Most of the times that the Israelites got into trouble it was because they had forgotten what God had done for them. There's a troubling passage in Judges 2 where we read, "After that whole generation had been gathered to their fathers, another generation grew up, who knew neither the LORD nor what he had done for Israel. Then the Israelites did evil in the eyes of the LORD and served the Baals. They forsook the LORD, the God of their fathers, who had brought them out of Egypt. They followed and worshiped various gods of the peoples around them. They provoked the LORD to anger because they forsook him and served Baal and the Ashtoreths." In just one generation, they had forgotten what the Lord had done for them. And what was the result? They turned away from the Lord. I would venture to guess that the forgetting didn't just happen. Over that generation, they probably started slacking more and more with the taking Sabbath and remembering all that the Lord had done for them. And then, the generation rose up that had completely forgotten.

We need to stop and rest and in our resting, we need to remember. That's really what we do when we meditate on God's word and all that he has done for us: we remember. God has shown us a history of faithfulness to his people, yet we can't stop long enough to recount that history because we're too busy, there's too much going on, and we can't quiet things down enough to hear what he's trying to tell us. I’m reminded of the story in 1 Kings 19 when Elijah is waiting for the Lord to pass by. An earthquake, a might wind, and a fire all pass and the Lord is not present there. It is only when there is a soft and gentle whisper that Elijah knows that the Lord is speaking. The thing is, I don’t think that we let our lives get that quiet to really hear that soft and gentle of a whisper.

There’s a great scene in the movie “Ray” when Ray Charles (Jamie Foxx) is having lunch with a woman and he hears a hummingbird’s wings fluttering outside the window. He tells the woman that the bird is there, but she can’t hear it. He says, “You have to listen” and so she focuses her attention on just that, and she can hear it when she blocks everything else out. That’s usually the time when God speaks to us, when we block everything else out. He’s not going to yell, so we’d better start listening.

We need to come back to the lost art and practice of Sabbath. We need to find rest in the Lord and we need to get away from all of our busyness and chaos. It will be good for our souls when we do. We’ll notice a difference, and hopefully, the people around us will as well.

May God give you opportunities to rest in him, and him alone. May you find peace and comfort in the stillness and silence that happen only when you stop and take part in Sabbath.

God In Tragedy

In his letter to the church in Corinth, the Apostle Paul wrote, “For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.” (1 Corinthians 1:18). The Gospel of Jesus Christ is offensive enough to people who don’t believe it. The claims that Christians make regarding Jesus Christ as the only way to salvation will offend some people. Some people think that the claims are just foolish. Some people just won’t care. To those of us who believe in the salvation that alone comes from Jesus Christ, it is the power of God. But the Gospel does not need any help in being offensive.

Recently, Pat Robertson made some unintelligent remarks regarding the tragic earthquake in Haiti. At some point, his P.R. people are going to realize that he is a liability and politely ask him to retire. In the mean time, there are people who are asking him to retire in a not so polite way, both Christian and non-Christian alike. The problem with remarks such as Robertson has recently made is that because he ascribes to a certain viewpoint and belief system, he ends up “becoming” a spokesman for all of the other people who hold that same viewpoint or belief system, regardless of whether or not they agree with his comments.

My first thought after watching the news after the Haiti earthquake was, “Come on! Doesn’t this country have enough problems?” Then when I heard that Pat Robertson had opened up his mouth to allow for his unintelligent musings to pour forth, I thought, “Come on! Don’t Christians have enough problems?” As I listened to the voice of the media and the public reacting to his comments, I did my best to keep quiet. The only thing that I had said was in the form of my Tweet/Facebook status which read, “God’s judgment on Christians is that Pat Robertson is still alive!” After a few more days to process the comments and really search Scripture, there are a few things I feel the need to say.

In Isaiah 40, the prophet speaks words of comfort to the people of God. The most famous portion of this chapter is the quote, “but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” But a little earlier in the chapter, Isaiah poses a few questions, “Who has understood the mind of the LORD, or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the LORD consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way? Who was it that taught him knowledge or showed him the path of understanding?”

It’s in our nature as human beings to want answers, especially when tragedy strikes. But sometimes, we won’t have answers and the only thing that we can do is reach out in love to the ones who are desperately seeking those answers. If we don’t have answers, we shouldn’t create them or make them up. What’s redemptive about that? We shouldn’t presume that we understand the mind of God better than every other human being around us, that’s Gnosticism. We shouldn’t put words in God’s mouth and presume that we have the prophetic gift. In fact, prophecy is more about telling what God will do rather than interpreting what God did.

While I make no apologies for the offensiveness of the Gospel, I do make apologies for people who make it more offensive than God ever intended. It has been incredible to turn on the TV or look on the internet and to see the amount of aid and support that is being sent to the country of Haiti in the midst of this tragedy. To me, that is the correct response. I wonder if Pat Robertson sent any support to Haiti before he made his remarks or if he simply spoke the “mind of God” before he really had a chance to think about it.

Whether you are or are not a follower of Jesus Christ, I would hope and pray that you would not judge Jesus by the stupid things that his followers sometimes do and say. Know that Pat Robertson does not speak for everyone. In fact, I wonder if he really speaks for anyone other than himself and a handful of other sadly misdirected folks. In the immortal words of Buzz Lightyear, he is “a sad, strange, little man” and he has my pity! Can God work in this situation? Of course he can. Did he cause this situation? I don’t think so.

The Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:18-22, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God. We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.” We live in a fallen world where tragedy strikes, not because God willed it, but because the world is fallen. The sin of Adam and Eve have subjected ALL of creation to frustration. We are fallen people in need of a savior because we can’t save ourselves and we live in a fallen world that needs redemption as much as we do.

God can use any means necessary to speak to his people. The Old and New Testaments are full of ways that God has gotten the attention of his people. While God has spoken through an ass before (Numbers 22), I don’t think that this is a case of history repeating itself!