Distractions

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, I was in elementary school. I think I can count on one hand the number of kids that might be considered ADD/ADHD. Nowadays, it seems like every other child is given that diagnosis. As I look around, it's no wonder that this is the case. While I think that there are a number of factors that can create this in children, I think that our society does a pretty good job of doing this, not only in children, but adults as well.

The amount of information that we are fed on a daily basis is incredible. If you turn on any major news channel for five minutes, you can see the news anchor, the ticker, and countless other sources of information happening all at the same time. With so much going on, is it a wonder that we get fairly distracted?

Life is full of distractions. I'm reminded of the words of John Lennon, who said, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." Some distractions are good and necessary, while others have the potential to derail us from the things that matter. Wisdom is knowing the difference between the two and doing your best to avoid the latter.

Lately, I have been feeling a lot of the latter, enough to be concerned. Part of this is because what is a distraction to me is important to someone else. I tend to think that those kinds of distractions are good and necessary. If someone else sees it as important, chances are, there's something about it that I might be missing. But there are other distractions that simply prevent me from getting done the important things. I think that our selfish nature has a tendency to overtake us at times, causing us to see things that are insignificant as more important than they really are.

It's always a challenge to stay focused during the Advent season, but as I become more and more aware of the potential, I guard myself from it. It's not the busy times in life where the problem comes. Busyness can actually be helpful because it gets us on our guard, heightening our awareness of the potential for distraction and missing things. It's the other times, when things seem to be happening as usual, when we can be distracted and led astray from what really matters.

My tendency with distractions is to lash out at the person, or people, who are the cause of them, but I have found that I need to take a deeper look. Why is this so important to them? What am I not seeing at first glance? Is there something that I missed? Back to the selfishness thing again, I know that there are times when this isn't the case, I haven't missed anything, people are just being people and trying to make it all about them.

My major frustration comes when distractions take away from vision and purpose. This happens often within the church. There is a twofold purpose within the church: to grow the saints and to grow the kingdom. The rub lies in the balance of those two things. We may lean heavily one way at the expense of the other and there emerges frustration and bitterness. A balanced approach is necessary but difficult.

The irony of this becomes when people think that the very things that are distractions are the ones upon which we are to focus. Everyone's got an axe to grind, a soapbox to stand on, a passion that ignites their bones, and most people are willing to stand up for those things given the right circumstances. The challenge is whether we are connected enough with the people around us so that should we miss something, they are relationally close enough to us to tell us the truth. Do we allow people to point things out in our lives that may not be obvious to us but are blatant to the rest of the world?

There are days and times when I ask myself why I left engineering to become a pastor. I don't dwell on those times because, in the end, I'm convinced that I'm doing the very thing that God called me to do. Those times generally come when I am being distracted from the vision and purpose for which I am called, bogged down with trivialities that seem important to someone, but not to me. In a perfect world, we would be distraction-free, but this world is far from perfect.

In the grand scheme of things, I guess I deal with the distractions by doing just enough of what needs to be done to continue forward motion. If I allow them to consume me, they have won, they have derailed me from my vision and purpose, causing me to become unfocused. If I ignore them, I am at times insensitive and unsympathetic, making a non-verbal statement that what matters to me is more important than what matters to someone else.

Frankly, I don't know that I will ever get it right. It's a constant struggle, a tension, a tug-of-war, the endless game of balance. I do know one thing for sure, there are certain things that need to be ignored and I can rest assured that by ignoring them, I will most likely not be labeled insensitive or unsympathetic, maybe just irresponsible by some. If that's the price that I have to pay to stay focused on vision and purpose, so be it. One day, I will be held accountable to someone other than the ones who try to distract me, my answers on that day are far more important.

As Verbal said in The Usual Suspects, "“The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” Sometimes the devil is in the details, and those details distract us from getting done the things that really matter.

Do They Know It's Christmas?

I had a timely phone call from a good friend while on my way to school in the D.C. area the other night. I had had a fairly long day which had started around 5 AM and would not end until close to midnight. I was feeling tired and worn out and had probably even begun to feel the need to stop so as not to fall asleep and he called. We talked for a long time, but it was one of those conversations that didn't feel long and that is even longed for once it's over.

He was lamenting to me of his church's lack of focus on Christmas and Advent in their Sunday morning worship services. There was really no evidence that the Advent season had arrived. The latest praise choruses were being sung with no interspersion of Christmas or Advent focused music. He was pretty frustrated that the focus that he was longing for was being dismissed by his local church.

I jokingly told him that I could come with my band and play "Do They Know It's Christmas?" to perhaps inject a little meaning into both his and their season. As I thought about it later and as I continue to read his laments/ravings on Facebook about his frustration, I have tried to reconcile what is happening.

As a worship leader, I can honestly say that I have been on the side that my friend is railing against. I take no offense in what he is saying because I would consider that I have grown a tremendous amount since that time. Once upon a time, I probably fought against the idea of incorporating Advent focused music into the Sunday morning worship services at my church. It's somewhat ironic that this would be the case with me considering that I generally start listening to Christmas music back in August or September.

I'm not completely sure what would have caused me to have such disdain for the inclusion of this kind of music into a worship service. Maybe I felt as if some of the music was dated. Maybe I felt as if it played too much to the nostalgia and emotions of the congregation. Whatever reason I may have had to do this, I was wrong. I now see this, especially in light of the overwhelming takeover of consumerism within our culture.

Once upon a time, the holiday-heavy Fall was filled with holidays that seemed significant enough to be celebrated on their own. As the consumerism has become more and more rampant, some of those holidays have dropped in significance and even in existence. Do we really understand the significance of Labor Day? I don't, other than the fact that I get a day off. Columbus Day hasn't been celebrated by me for a fair amount of time. Shamefully, I even forgot to acknowledge Veterans on the Sunday after Veteran's Day. I was given grace and made up for it the following Sunday, acknowledging my mistake and exercising the escape clause that allowed for a statute of limitations within a week's time.

This year, more than ever, I was very aware of the transition from Halloween to Christmas. It was almost as if Thanksgiving had dropped from our calendars. My boys like to dress up in superhero and Star Wars costumes and, frankly, I'm not a fan of paying $20 or more for costumes. So, while shopping the 90% discount costume rack at Target, I was very aware of the Christmas section having popped up overnight. What had happened to Thanksgiving? Well, the commercialism of Thanksgiving might seem self-serving, especially considering what the holiday itself signifies. There has been no icon, other than a turkey, for Thanksgiving. Other than people gorging themselves on turkey and other delicacies and a few Virginia Tech fans relishing a holiday that celebrates their precious mascot being eaten, there's not much commercialism on which to capitalize. Why would we actually encourage families to spend time together when we could instead encourage them to spend money for the self-perpetuation of big industry and commercialism?

But I digress. If there was ever a time for followers of Christ to be more focused on celebrating Advent, it would seem that now would be that time. Problem is, instead of being counter-cultural, we have embraced the elements of culture that conveniently fit into our own ideologies and lashed out against the ones that would make a mockery of our beliefs. Can we really have it both ways? Perhaps. Paul was a fan of using culture to speak the message of Truth. While I wouldn't say he embraced culture, he appreciated it and understood that it was an opportunity for an inroad conversation with people about the significance of Christ in his life.

With everyone else having successfully forgotten exactly what Christmas and Advent are for, it would be in the best interest of those of us who consider ourselves disciples of Christ to not necessarily rant and rave against a culture that has forgotten, but instead to lovingly point the way by living out the values that we claim as our own. In other words, doesn't it seem that a good way for us to focus others on Christ during this season would be to focus on Him ourselves?

This Advent season at my church, we decided to forego a "special" Christmas concert during a Sunday night or other night of the week and focus our efforts on our Sunday morning worship times. All of the special elements that may have been reserved for a concert/program are being incorporated into what we do on Sunday mornings when we gather. With only one week of Advent in the books, the result was fascinating and the responses were overwhelmingly encouraging. My hope is that these times and experiences on Sunday mornings will act as a means for our congregation to focus on the significance, importance, and relevance of Advent amidst a culture that is desperately trying to take our eyes off of those very things.

I am not supporting the boycotting of culture, WalMart, Target, or any other organization or system that is perpetuating a misguided focus during this season. I am encouraging that those of us who consider ourselves Christians would simply model what we want everyone else to see. In that way, rather than looking like antiquated, frustrated, and hypocritical prudes who will stop at nothing to attempt to enforce our own values, we instead look like a people who believe in something, that something being that Advent is a time of anticipation and waiting, as we expectantly await the celebration of the coming King and Messiah. Do they know it's Christmas? They will if we show them

Slow Down

And so it begins. That raucous pace with which we enter and navigate through the holiday season is upon us. I have been experiencing it in full force lately even as I have wondered what happened to the Fall. Since Advent starts this coming Sunday, we are into Christmas music starting this week. I had a rehearsal last night and we began to wade into Christmas music with “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.” It’s actually a fairly fascinating story to read about the genesis of the poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, you should check it out sometime.

On the way home from rehearsal, as I went through my “TO DO” list in my mind, my window, for the second time in a week, got stuck in the down position amidst the rain. I had already spent $500 on it last week and was not looking forward to having to be carless for another day while I waited for the mechanic to fix what should have been fixed a week ago. I’m not a big fan of things not getting done right the first time, so I was a little frustrated.

As I drove home, thinking and saying words that I never should have, I began to play through my day today. I had already had a number of things to get done and now the mechanic would need to be a detour that I was not welcoming. I chose to forego schoolwork in favor of a good night sleep and went to bed early. With a cold/sinus infection in full force, it seemed like the right choice. I awoke in the middle of the night, stressed about the disruption of my schedule today. How would I ever get everything done? Would I be able to?

Feeling somewhat well-rested this morning, I drove to the mechanic, praying that I would maintain my testimony as a pastor and disciple of Christ when I got there. I fought all of my urges to speak my mind and simply replied, “Pretty bad” when the gentleman behind the desk asked me how I was doing. Hey, I’ve got to be honest, right? Thinking that it was a smart thing to arrive early, I soon realized that although they opened at 7, none of the mechanics seemed to be there until about 8. So, I waited for about an hour before they even brought the car into the bay. Frustration continues.

As I thought about it, I really began to wonder what kind of a test this might be. Every holiday season, I find myself preaching the message of slowing down, taking it all in, and remembering what the purpose of these holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, is. It’s not Black Friday. It’s not consumerism. It’s really about thankfulness, family, and redemption. It’s about remembering what we have been given and not taking it for granted. It’s about a gift that was given that we could never replicate, replace, or contrive on our own.

Maybe this detour was God’s way of telling me to “SLOW DOWN” instead of running rampantly into the season. As I sit here at my desk, I can hear the wind blowing outside my open window. The sky is gray and it will probably rain later. The church is fairly quiet as most of the school children have gone home and the office is officially “closed.” I’ve probably forgotten to do something important, but I imagine that it will have to wait. I am taking advantage of the peace and solitude that can be experienced in this moment. The silence of these few minutes is a salve for my wounded and weary soul. I have been tired, frustrated, worn-out, sick, grieving, stressed, short-tempered, and spiritually thirsty. These moments are the exact moments that I have been waiting for. When life becomes hectic and fast-paced, it’s amazing what a few brief moments can do to recharge the soul.

Even as I think forward to Black Friday, I can’t help but laugh at the irony that a day that is supposed to be a good thing for consumers is termed “Black Friday.” Not necessarily the most encouraging of names, a fairly bleak name, but I guess if we consider that consumerism is a fairly bleak path to be on, it sort of makes sense.

Before your holidays get under way, before you make your list of things to hunt for on Black Friday, take some time to write down the things for which you are thankful. Those few moments of reflection will be good for your soul, and chances are, the things you write down will be around much longer than whatever deals you might find on Black Friday.

Here’s my list:

My Family – wife, kids, Dad, brother, extended family

My God – grace-filled and loving

My Freedom – it’s never really free

My Job

My Health

There’s a whole lot more, but that stands as a fairly good top 5 list. Happy Thanksgiving and a blessed Advent season!

What A Difference A Year Makes

Tomorrow morning my sons have their Thanksgiving pre-school program. A year ago, only my oldest was in pre-school and my parents had just moved to Williamsburg. It was supposed to have been the first of many school programs that my parents were to attend. We were all so looking forward to them being so close. There was an air of excitement that morning as my parents arrived to watch their first grandson performing his songs. Programs like that are never about the music so much as they are about the cuteness and belly laughing that come from watching kids do what kids do.

A year later, things look pretty different. My father won't be able to make the pre-school program. He's not eating well. He's not sleeping well. He's not feeling well. He's alone. His life is radically different than it was a year ago. His love, his life, the woman whom he had been married to for over 40 years is gone and he is trying to put together the pieces of his life and negotiate the rough waters of the holidays for the first time in nearly 50 years without the one person that he has shared life with.

It certainly brings new perspective on the holidays. As we so effortlessly transition from Halloween to Christmas, skipping right past Thanksgiving, it seems a good reminder that few things in life should be glossed over as easily as some holidays have been. Especially significant holidays.

I think we'll make it through. There will be a newness to everything. It will be a season full of firsts. We will do the best that we can. We will cry. We will laugh. We will love. That's exactly what Mom would have wanted us to do. Life is different, she is gone, but we are still here.

In many ways, I feel that I have the advantage in this situation because of my children. With young children, every day is an adventure, a new opportunity, a chance to make memories with them. It is hard for my dad to find that same perspective because so much of his life has been lived. That's not to say that there is nothing left for him, it's just harder for him to find that same perspective given the circumstances in which he finds himself.

Over the past few years, holidays have been so different for me. Being a pastor, I have rarely had the opportunity to spend the Christmas holiday with anyone other than my wife and kids. It's a blessing to have them, but sometimes we long for the company of blood relatives. We love our church family and friends, but life is short and nothing replaces family. I have lived so far away from family for Thanksgivings since 2004 that traveling "home" has not really been an option. So, change has been part of the holidays for me, a part that I have had to embrace and accept.

Yes, a year doesn't seem like much, but it can make a world of difference in our lives. Life looks pretty different now, much different than it did 12 months ago. There will be tears and memories will be recalled during the coming days. There will also be smiles, moments of laughter, and new memories made. The spirit of my mom lives on in me and in her grandchildren as well. We miss her, but one day, we'll celebrate together again. Love and miss you, Mom!

Milestones

It's been a fairly interesting week in my world. I have been recovering from a minor surgical procedure and am looking forward to being at 100% (whenever that will be). The holidays seem to be upon us and I keep asking myself where the rest of the Fall went. September and October are behind us and November's end is close at hand. Not sure how I missed two months of my life, especially when one of those months included the birth of my third child.

After playing Wii with my 5 year old for far too long yesterday afternoon, we went outside and he and my 3 year old rode bikes. The 5 year old still has training wheels on, but I figured that he might be ready to try two wheel riding today. I've got a little hitch in my step, so I couldn't chase him around for too long, but he made some great strides towards riding by himself and there were no major injuries. I giggled to myself as he said, "This is pretty easy." Deep inside, I felt a keen sense of pride.

The boys of the family went to the library the other day and I decided to get some Thanksgiving books out while we were there. Instead of additional consumption of television time after dinner, we dove into a few of these books. The trusted Berenstain Bears book was a major disappointment. Guess my expectations were greater. While reading through one of the other books, my 5 year old began to read some of the words and so I decided to see how much he could read. He read all of the words that were listed on the 2 pages with Thanksgiving terms.

Before bed, I had him read one of those graded readers that you can buy at places like Target and WalMart. He made it all the way through a story about Lightning McQueen and Mater. Again, I swelled with pride, so much so that the glow may have outshined the neighbors' Christmas lights. I was impressed and I was proud.

As I thought about these achievements in my son's life, I began to wonder how long it would be before I began to focus more on the words that he was getting wrong rather than the words that he had gotten right. I wondered when I might become unsatisfied with his efforts of reading 10 pages and push him toward 15 or 20 instead. I wondered if these things were inevitabilities or if they could still be prevented.

We have such a tendency in our society to look at the negative and I am a product of that. Yearly reviews come up in our jobs and we might talk for 5 or 10 minutes about the positive achievements that we have made and spend the other 45 minutes or so talking about all of the ways that we might improve. While I have no problem seeking ways in which I might improve, I wonder if there is more of a balanced approach that we might take.

I want to be an encouragement for my children. I don't want them to be in therapy years from now talking about how hard they tried to win their dad's approval. At the same time, I am a parent and not a friend. If I start as a parent, the friendship will come in later years. That's not to say that there is no enjoyment in my time with my kids, it just means that in the battles that rage, I need to be a parent first and a friend second. I want my kids to know that I am proud of them but I also want them to know that I have high expectations of them because I know what they are capable of.

As I watched my 5 year old ride across the cul-de-sac towards our lawn on two wheels, I was struck with a wave of emotion. Part of it is the newness of the holiday season entered into fresh off the heels of the loss of my mom. There will be grief and sadness but there will also be newness as every day is a new opportunity with my children. But 5 years has gone by quickly, and though I feel like I have spent some quality time with my kids, the magnitude of my responsibility and the benefit of my opportunities became readily apparent to me. My son will only be 5 years old once, am I taking advantage of this time?

I have heard the cliché over and over again about the fact that no one who is on their deathbed says they wish they had worked more. Life is all about balance and I feel like I am constantly walking the fence over getting it right. Milestones are called such because they happen infrequently. I don't want to miss them because those are the things which I, and my children, will hold dear years from now. Sometimes things have to wait. Lawns. Dishes. Reports. Meetings. There are more significant things waiting to be experienced by people who will appreciate them way more. Don't forget to make time for those things. If you happen to see me and I look like I'm forgetting, don't hesitate to remind me. We all need reminding from time to time.