One Month

Yesterday was one month since my father passed away.  I was fairly occupied for most of the day, so I didn't get caught up in excessive ponderings about what should or could have been.  I marked the date down and again realized the potential of relief that can come when someone has been sick for a while.  My approach towards yesterday was very different than my approach had been just a month after my mother died.

In the past month, there have been numerous times that I reached for my phone to call and check on Dad.  I wanted to hear his voice and to assure him that everything was okay with me.  I wanted to know that he hadn't fallen or had any other mishaps.  But all of that was unnecessary.  He's gone.

Time can be both our friend and our enemy.  When we need more of it, it seems that it works against us as a foe rather than an ally.  When we work with it, it can be a constant companion to us, helping us along the way, pushing us towards promptness and responsibility.

This morning I read a quote which has stuck with me from Mark Batterson.  He wrote, "Hurry kills everything from compassion to creativity."  Every day, that lesson becomes more and more apparent to me.  When I am in a hurry, my patience runs thin, my attitude worsens as I find myself rushing to get done what I need to get done, regardless of who is in my way.  In fact, if you're in my way, you will most likely get run over.

This lesson become so readily apparent to me over the last year or so spent with my father.  I could never visit him while in a rush.  I could never take him out or engage him in conversation if I had to quickly move on to the next thing.  His pace slowed down which subsequently slowed me down.  And I think that was really good for me.  It helped me to realize what was important.

Of course, today, we can easily accomplish multiple things at once as we multitask our way through life with smartphones, tablets, and other technological resources.  Not only is there a need for us to slow down but also to intentionally disengage.  This is a point of growth in my life, a place that needs some focus.  It's too easy to "just take a second" and check my email or social media, yet what am I missing in the midst of those "seconds" that I am away.

Time is not moving backwards.  We can't turn back the clock.  I can't have my father back, but I am grateful for the many life lessons that I learned from him, directly and indirectly.  "Ruthlessly eliminating hurry" is a noble task to undertake, but it needs consistency and accountability as well.

My dad is gone and I miss him terribly, but the lessons that I have learned can help to keep his legacy and memory alive.  Months will pass, anniversaries will creep up, and I will deal with them all.  Remembering all that I have learned will bring a smile to my face as I realize that even out of darkness, light can come.  In the midst of sorrow and pain and mourning, new days will rise.  From out of the ashes, like a phoenix, rises life.  How can I make sure to live into that legacy?  Let those lessons not have been learned in vain.

Slow Down

And so it begins. That raucous pace with which we enter and navigate through the holiday season is upon us. I have been experiencing it in full force lately even as I have wondered what happened to the Fall. Since Advent starts this coming Sunday, we are into Christmas music starting this week. I had a rehearsal last night and we began to wade into Christmas music with “I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day.” It’s actually a fairly fascinating story to read about the genesis of the poem by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, you should check it out sometime.

On the way home from rehearsal, as I went through my “TO DO” list in my mind, my window, for the second time in a week, got stuck in the down position amidst the rain. I had already spent $500 on it last week and was not looking forward to having to be carless for another day while I waited for the mechanic to fix what should have been fixed a week ago. I’m not a big fan of things not getting done right the first time, so I was a little frustrated.

As I drove home, thinking and saying words that I never should have, I began to play through my day today. I had already had a number of things to get done and now the mechanic would need to be a detour that I was not welcoming. I chose to forego schoolwork in favor of a good night sleep and went to bed early. With a cold/sinus infection in full force, it seemed like the right choice. I awoke in the middle of the night, stressed about the disruption of my schedule today. How would I ever get everything done? Would I be able to?

Feeling somewhat well-rested this morning, I drove to the mechanic, praying that I would maintain my testimony as a pastor and disciple of Christ when I got there. I fought all of my urges to speak my mind and simply replied, “Pretty bad” when the gentleman behind the desk asked me how I was doing. Hey, I’ve got to be honest, right? Thinking that it was a smart thing to arrive early, I soon realized that although they opened at 7, none of the mechanics seemed to be there until about 8. So, I waited for about an hour before they even brought the car into the bay. Frustration continues.

As I thought about it, I really began to wonder what kind of a test this might be. Every holiday season, I find myself preaching the message of slowing down, taking it all in, and remembering what the purpose of these holidays, Thanksgiving and Christmas, is. It’s not Black Friday. It’s not consumerism. It’s really about thankfulness, family, and redemption. It’s about remembering what we have been given and not taking it for granted. It’s about a gift that was given that we could never replicate, replace, or contrive on our own.

Maybe this detour was God’s way of telling me to “SLOW DOWN” instead of running rampantly into the season. As I sit here at my desk, I can hear the wind blowing outside my open window. The sky is gray and it will probably rain later. The church is fairly quiet as most of the school children have gone home and the office is officially “closed.” I’ve probably forgotten to do something important, but I imagine that it will have to wait. I am taking advantage of the peace and solitude that can be experienced in this moment. The silence of these few minutes is a salve for my wounded and weary soul. I have been tired, frustrated, worn-out, sick, grieving, stressed, short-tempered, and spiritually thirsty. These moments are the exact moments that I have been waiting for. When life becomes hectic and fast-paced, it’s amazing what a few brief moments can do to recharge the soul.

Even as I think forward to Black Friday, I can’t help but laugh at the irony that a day that is supposed to be a good thing for consumers is termed “Black Friday.” Not necessarily the most encouraging of names, a fairly bleak name, but I guess if we consider that consumerism is a fairly bleak path to be on, it sort of makes sense.

Before your holidays get under way, before you make your list of things to hunt for on Black Friday, take some time to write down the things for which you are thankful. Those few moments of reflection will be good for your soul, and chances are, the things you write down will be around much longer than whatever deals you might find on Black Friday.

Here’s my list:

My Family – wife, kids, Dad, brother, extended family

My God – grace-filled and loving

My Freedom – it’s never really free

My Job

My Health

There’s a whole lot more, but that stands as a fairly good top 5 list. Happy Thanksgiving and a blessed Advent season!