A Lifelong Learner

I am a lifelong learner.  Maybe that's pretentious of me to say as I'm not quite 40 years old yet.  Maybe I need to rephrase it and say that I plan to be a lifelong learner.  I hope to be a lifelong learner.  I pray that I might be a lifelong learner.

The more I learn, the more I realize that I have yet to learn.  The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don't know.  I'm not so sure I embrace Solomon's words in Ecclesiastes 1:18, "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief."  Although, I do understand the sentiment.

As one who loves to learn new things, I need to constantly ask myself, "Why do I want to learn new things?"  It's an honest question that demands honest answers.  It's easy to seek knowledge and wisdom to lord it over people.  It's easy to seek knowledge and wisdom because it makes you look smarter.  It's hard to seek knowledge and wisdom to seek to better yourself and others around you, with no significant benefit or advancement.

Ironically, I have never been very fond of academic types.  I have run into too many professors over my three degrees who seem to have lost their passion for teaching minds thirsty for knowledge, that is, if they ever had that passion to begin with.  At the same time, I have had some incredible professors who were gifts from God.  Had I not crossed paths with them, I wonder whether or not I would have made it through some of the seasons that I went through.

Part of learning is teaching, at least it's always been that way for me.  Having just posted my 200th blog, so much of what happens here is a sharing of the things that I have learned in life.  That's probably one of the great reasons for me to continue as it provides an opportunity for me to share with others who might find something beneficial in what I say.

I certainly don't claim expertise on the things that I write on.  Writing is hard as there are no voice inflections nor any body language with which to interpret the words that are "heard."  It's too easy to have something misconstrued or misunderstood, but that's a risk that I am willing to take.  I've been taken the wrong way more than once and I am sure I will continue to be misunderstood, but my heart's desire is to learn and help others do the same.

The moment that we stop learning, we have either given up, we've decided to take a break for a season, or we have simply said that we have learned all that we need to, we know enough.  Every situation and experience is an opportunity to learn, to better one's self.  It provides for a way for God to teach us a new lesson, a new thing, to grant us wisdom that we may have been praying for.

My prayer for myself and all who read this is that we may approach every day as another opportunity to learn new things.  The beauty of grace is that we have new chances to get things right, and every day provides us with such.  May we all seek that grace but not uselessly expend it but take advantage of it that we might be different tomorrow than we are today.

Here's to learning!

Both Sides Now

Ever been in that place?  Just like Joni Mitchell describes in her song, sometimes, when we look at things from different angles and perspectives, we still can't figure it out.  We do our best to be objective, we move and look again, trying desperately to see what we haven't seen before, yet nothing seems to change.

I've been there before.  It's that place where you feel incapable of seeing anything different and yet somehow, you feel as though you've missed something.  You can't quite put your finger on it, but something just doesn't feel right.  It might come as you are leaving your house and you realize what's incomplete as soon as you get on the highway in your car.  Maybe you're at the airport and realize what it was that you forgot.  It could be something more significant, realizing something that you missed after you've already sent a letter or turned in a big project.

I've learned to wait on things much more as I have grown older and wiser.  Yet, I still have my fair share of missing things that I have done my best to see from both sides.  I've grown more patient, yet I still feel that urging to move past because I am in such a hurry.

As much as we might try to be objective about things and the way that we view them, we will most likely miss something.  We do our best to be humble and rightly acknowledge our limitations in hopes that should be find out what we've missed, we won't have to eat our words, or something worse.  We realize our limitations and know that we still have so much to learn and can gain something more from hearing the perspective of someone else.

I'm reminded of Paul's words in 1 Corinthians 13:12, "For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known."  We can only see a glimpse, a portion, a part right now, but one day, we will see it all.  Our eyes will see face to face, clearly, we will understood as we have never understood before.

I imagine that when that day finally comes, I may try to monopolize God's time.  So many unanswered questions.  So many sleepless nights.  So many tears cried.  So many prayers offered.  Seems like it might just be a series of "a-ha" moments, finally "getting it."

Until that day finally arrives, I'll rest in the fact that I can only see a glimpse.  I'll do my best to stay humble and hope to find that there is something to be gained from every new perspective that I encounter.  It's not always easy to look at things differently, from both sides, or multiple sides for that matter, but the end result can certainly lead to humility, growth, and eventually, wisdom.

Starting Out

Yesterday, a friend challenged me in the best way possible.  My recent blogposts have been challenging.  This friend was asking me some hard questions about what I was doing not only to challenge others but actually model those challenges myself.  While it wasn't the most comfortable conversation because it required some serious self-reflection on my part, it was necessary.

Throughout the rest of my day, I kept thinking it through.  The biggest struggle that I have found sometimes is just starting out, finding the best point to kick things off.  The reality is that it requires humility, which if we're all honest, we struggle with.  So, I've got to start small and do what I can do.  The problem is that I want results yesterday, I don't want to wait for them.  It takes time and intentionality to improve.  Sometimes the task seems so insurmountable that the idea of starting somewhere is simply intimidating.

More than once in the last few months, I have been told that I have no margin in my life.  This didn't come as a shock to me, I was pretty aware of it before anyone had brought it to my attention.  I have been working on a second Master's degree for 4 years and that ends in December.  I have been dealing with the death of a parent as well as the health struggles of the other parents.  There have also been more than a few challenges in my day to day ministry work.  While I am not naive enough to believe that the world changes in December when I finish my degree, I do know that things will be different afterwards.  Margin will not create itself though, if I want it, I have to find a way to make it.

In the meantime, I'm going to not only encourage others, but do my best to be challenged myself and model this.  It won't be easy, but in the end, it will be worth it all.  Not only is humility required, but time is as well.  I need to be intentional about finding time and space for conversations with people.  Conversations generally grow out of relationships and those take time to build.

As I think this through, I'm reminded of Dan Fogelberg's song "Along the Road."  I think the lyrics are an appropriate place to end this post.  We're all on a journey, hopefully we're learning as we go.  I hope that I am a different person than I was yesterday.  I believe that I can't do it on my own, but with God's help, I can do all things.  Hopefully, we can all meet somewhere along the road.

Joy at the start, fear in the journey

Joy in the coming home.

A part of the heart gets lost in the learning

Somewhere along the road.

Along the road your path may wander

A pilgrim’s faith may fail.

Absence makes the heart grow stronger, darkness obscures the trail.

Cursing the quest, courting disaster,

Measureless nights forebode.

Moments of rest, glimpses of laughter

Are treasured along the road.

Along the road your steps may tumble,

Your thoughts may start to stray.

But through it all a heart held humble levels and lights your way.

Joy at the start, fear in the journey

Joy in the coming home.

A part of the heart gets lost in the learning

Somewhere along the road.

Somewhere along the road.

Somewhere along the road.