Where Do You Serve?

Last week, I spent the day at my son’s elementary school.  I had originally scheduled it for a few weeks ago, but it snowed in Virginia, which generally results in everything being closed.  That’s what happened and I needed to reschedule.  There is a program within our county schools called the Watch D.O.G.S. program that allows fathers to come and spend the day volunteering at their child’s school.  I had heard great things about it and really wanted to be a part of it, plus, my son had been waiting since November for me to finally be at his school.

I grew up in Connecticut, not too far from Newtown, so I was certainly entering into my day at the school with some new insights and with a much more heightened sense of security.  Every time I was stopped and asked who I was, I rejoiced inside for the vigilance of the teachers.  When I worked in engineering, I used to joke that you could go onto any job sight with a hardhat and a mission.  As long as you looked like you belonged and might have some clue what you were doing, no one would ever stop you.  Thankfully, that wasn’t the way that it was at the school.

There were some other things that I observed that day that I want to share.  The first is the importance of the attitude in volunteering.  Having spoken to missionaries for years, I was aware of many horror stories from the mission field of missionaries who had been sent short-term teams who ended up making more work for the missionaries.  Although these teams had come to “help” the missionaries, it seemed as if they were just glorified sightseers coming under the guise of missions.  With that in mind, I did not want to come to the school with that same mentality, I had come to help, not to hinder what was already going on at the school.

I was encouraged throughout the day to hear comments from teachers that the Watch D.O.G.S. program was very helpful and beneficial.  I already knew how much the kids loved it, especially mine, but I needed to hear those comments from teachers that the program was a benefit to them.  For the good part of the day, I worked with the art teacher.  Being a musician and having a brother who is an architect, I understand the benefits of the fine arts in school.  My brother and I were incredibly blessed to have had the opportunities that we did within the fine arts and they are near and dear to my heart.  The art teacher at my son’s school has to travel once a week to another school, not something uncommon for fine arts teachers, even back in the day when I was in school.  It seems like the first place to get cut when there are budget issues is the fine arts programs, so I was glad to help this teacher with things that she would have to be doing eventually had I not helped.  It made me fully appreciate the need for parents to be volunteering within their children’s schools.

The church where I serve has more of a community or neighborhood feel to it.  People don’t travel from an excessive distance away to come but are mostly within neighborhoods not too far from the church.  During my time at the school, I saw dozens of kids that I knew from my neighborhood and from church.  There has been a lot of talk about being “missional” within church circles, as I spent time at my son’s school, I realized that this was the essence of missionality within my community.  Part of reaching out to people is loving them and caring for their needs.  If I really want to reach out to my community, I need to start by knowing who they are first.

My mom worked in the school where my brother and I went for a number of years, first as a volunteer and then as a teacher’s aide.  She went on to work at another school in our town and worked for over 20 years within the school system.  She would always tell us stories of the children and teachers that she worked with.  I don’t think I fully appreciated what she did until the day that I volunteered at the school, somewhat appropriate since the day I volunteered was a memorable day for me as it relates to my mom.  I also saw a glimpse of what teachers do, the often thankless job of shaping young minds for the future is one that is a calling and occupation rather than a job.  I still struggle with the fact that people with the most important jobs get paid the most insignificant amounts and vice versa.

I actually experienced one of the greatest joys of that day many days later.  My son and I were sitting at the kitchen table and he was remarking about me helping the principal with the announcements on the day that I served.  He said to me, “When I heard your voice, I just couldn’t stop smiling because I was so happy it was you and that you were there.”  Can I think of any better repayment to have made a difference in my son’s life?  Probably not, but I look forward to having the opportunity to serve again, helping teachers out, not being a hindrance, and finding out more about my community every time.

Thrust Into the Limelight

I have had an extended break from school before my final push towards completing my degree and graduation.  I have taken the opportunity to engage with one of my loves: movies.  We discovered a local library that has a pretty good selection of blu-rays that they loan for free.  Many of the movies are current and I would generally have to pay for them at Blockbuster or Redbox.

Last week, I watched a film called "My Week With Marilyn."  It was based upon Colin Clark's memoir entitled "The Prince, the Showgirl and Me."  I would be very interested in reading the book, but I think the film did a very good job of depicting the character of Marilyn Monroe.  Michelle Williams did a phenomenal job portraying Monroe and I was captivated by the fragility and lack of self-esteem of Monroe.  As I watched the film, my heart broke for this young woman who seemed lost in a search for her own identity.

Marilyn Monroe was first married when she was 16 years old and her life was marked by countless failed relationships with men.  Her alleged affairs with the Kennedy brothers, both John and Robert, have been the subject of much talk and gossip about the starlet.  It seems that Marilyn was constantly trying to find out who she was and she constantly battled the expectations of those around her with what she felt inside, who she truly was and was called to be.

As I watched this film, broken hearted at the knowledge of Monroe's future fate, I couldn't help but think of Michael Jackson as well.  Although there are probably countless people who can be similarly categorized, he was the first one who came to mind, and particularly, his song "Childhood."  If you are unfamiliar with the song, it was featured in the movie "Free Willy 2."  Here are the lyrics:

Have you seen my Childhood?

I'm searching for the world that I come from

'Cause I've been looking around

In the lost and found of my heart...

No one understands me

They view it as such strange eccentricities...

'Cause I keep kidding around

Like a child, but pardon me...

People say I'm not okay

'Cause I love such elementary things...

It's been my fate to compensate,

for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?

I'm searching for that wonder in my youth

Like pirates in adventurous dreams,

Of conquest and kings on the throne...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me,

Look within your heart then ask,

Have you seen my Childhood?

People say I'm strange that way

'Cause I love such elementary things,

It's been my fate to compensate,

for the Childhood I've never known...

Have you seen my Childhood?

I'm searching for that wonder in my youth

Like fantastical stories to share

The dreams I would dare, watch me fly...

Before you judge me, try hard to love me.

The painful youth I've had

Have you seen my Childhood...

Considering his checkered past and the fate that would befall him many years later, the lyrics are just as heartbreaking as the story of Marilyn Monroe.  While I wouldn't condone some of MJs questionable behavior, hearing these words and knowing a little of his story, it's hard not to feel some amount of sympathy for this man-child.

In many ways, Monroe seemed to be such a similar character and personality.  She was a child trapped in a woman's body, she was a little girl who found herself to be a sex symbol.  She was thrust into the spotlight where everyone idolized her for her body and her good looks.  She never really had the opportunity to grow up.

Some might say that she chose the life that she lived, as did Michael Jackson.  I would agree, but it seems that our culture has a way of idolizing fragile human beings, some of who are not prepared for what is to come once they are thrust into the spotlight.  The public eye will do all kinds of things to people, young and old, rich and poor.  Some people are so enamored with the attention, like it seems Marilyn was, that they would do anything to please those who are watching.

At one point in the film, Colin, the main character, offers Marilyn the chance to run away with him and leave it all behind.  She tells him that she can't, and that's the end of it.  There is no debate, no questions, she just decides that she can't give up the fame and glory to which she has become accustomed.  She didn't, and it destroyed her.  Michael Jackson didn't either, and it destroyed him.  And in some ways, we were accomplices to that with our tendency for voyeurism and idolatry.

Unfortunately, this kind of voyeurism and idolatry is not relegated simply to those who are in Hollywood.  We pretty much do it with anyone who becomes "famous."  Athletes, politicians, public figures of any kind, pastors, etc.  We have a very high shelf that we like to put people on and any time that they fall off of it, the fall seems to be far and fast.  We seem to mete out grace as long as they are fulfilling our own desires, but the moment that they fail to do that, they have failed us and we run far and fast.

Those thrust into the public limelight will come and go, but how will we respond to them?  Will we allow ourselves to be captivated by their godlike qualities and abilities?  Will we fall victim to the culture that surrounds us and idealize people who are just as fallible and broken as the rest of us?

I've pretty much turned the corner of time and my window of opportunity for "fame and fortune" is most likely behind me.  But I have the opportunity to mentor and teach those who come behind me, my children, my friends, young people who I interact with.  Will I take the opportunity to pass on what I know in hopes that they would enter into any potential fame-filled future with caution?  I hope so.  The past is littered with a wake of bodies that have been sacrificed to fortune and fame, cast aside and abandoned, left useless along the way, but the future can be marked differently.  While I am not naive enough in thinking that this will stop, if we can prevent just a few from following this same path, we will have succeeded, at least in their lives.

Kindergarten For Me

Today is the day.  As with most significant days in one’s life, it seems that an overflow of emotions always seems to lead up to them.  There are some days that you look forward to and wonder when they will ever arrive.  There are other days when you do your best to postpone them.  Still there are other days when your emotions are mixed, a part of you wants to rush to the day while another part of you wants to keep it at bay for as long as possible.  I’m still trying to decipher what kind of a day this is.

Today is the day that my little boy starts kindergarten.  It didn’t sneak up on me.  I don’t feel as if the time has completely flown by since he was born.  But I do certainly expect that the time will not feel slow from here on out.  I have heard from many wise people who have gone before me.  They have passed on the advice that time flies and there is no slowing it down.  I have heard their warnings and have done my best to heed them.  Today has not snuck up on me.

While it hasn’t snuck up on me, I can’t say that I am overjoyed for its arrival.  At the same time, I look forward to this adventure with my son now and for his brother and sister to follow him over the next few years.  I look forward to seeing him blossom and bloom, growing into the boy and man that God created him to be.  I look forward to seeing him discover his strengths and abilities, to tap into the gifts that he has and watch as he learns to use them to the best of his potential.

Robert Fulghum wrote “All I Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten.”  I don’t think I’ll be pulling my son out of school at the end of the year, but I certainly look forward to seeing where he goes.  He has made me proud in just a few short years and I wonder how many more times he will do the same.  I’m not naïve in thinking that there won’t be some disappointment in years to come, there will be, but I certainly hope and pray that the good outweighs the bad, that the pride outweighs the disappointment.  After all, I have disappointed him before and I know that I will do it again, I’m only human.

Yes, today marks the day that I become a slave to the school calendar.  My life will be scheduled around vacations and days off, around school programs and field days, around homework and other activities.  And I’m fine with that.  Life will change, but who really likes to go through life unchanged?  Well, I know a few people, but I don’t think that I am one of them.

Summers will mean more to me now, maybe as much as they did when I was a kid.  I will look forward to those moments that I still have, knowing that they will grow fewer and further in between as time marches on.  I will seize them when they come and do my best to remember that once they are past, they can’t be recovered except in my mind.  There is no time travel but for the time travel in my mind and if I seize these moments, I can go there as often as I like, as many times as I want while my brain still functions.

The end of one chapter signifies the beginning of another one.  As long as there are pages, I will continue to read.  I will turn them and soak in every word.  I will eat them up and memorize them in my head.  It seems that the book will go on and on, but you never know.  So, I will just continue to read.

I felt the emotion last week when I went to open house.  I feel the emotion today at the bus stop.  I will feel it again today when he gets off of the bus.  I will feel it when he unpacks his day as we sit down and enjoy our dinner together tonight.  Emotion is not something to be feared or run from, it’s an old friend, waiting to be embraced, longing to be remembered.  Today is a day full of emotion and I have certainly had a lot of those in recent days.  Today is an adventure, the beginning of something unexpected and special, and I’m looking forward to the ride.

The Benefit of the Doubt

I'm fairly willing to admit my faults and weaknesses.  It's not always easy, but when they're pointed out to me or if I notice them myself, it's unwise to pretend that they don't exist.  One of my big faults is taking myself too seriously sometimes.  Another one is the difficulty that I have with giving people the benefit of the doubt.  It's easy to hide that when it's someone that's not too close to you, but when it happens to be your own flesh and blood, the realization stings and cuts deep.

Much of what I do as a worship pastor takes me away from my family.  I do my best to make up time here and there during my children's waking hours, especially when I am out during bedtime.  Occasionally, my children will inquire as to where I am going and sometimes even ask if they can tag along.  Usually, if it's not Toys R Us or Target, they politely refuse any offer sent their way to join me.

This past Sunday, I have one of those 12-hour days that happen sometimes.  After having a short break at home for about an hour, I needed to return to church for a 3 hour rehearsal followed by another 3 hour meeting.  Lately, my 3 year old has taken to needing his "Daddy time" and I have generally been happy to oblige.  He's a middle child and my wife and I have tried to be sensitive to that (her more than me as she's a middle child too). 

As I was walking out the door, guitar in hand, he informed me that he wanted to come along.  My wife and I made eye contact, speaking volumes in our looks, doing our best to discern what the right move was.  As she started to respond, I gave her that "I've got this" look.  I knelt down and explained where I was going to my son.  I explained that I would not be able to play with him or color with him but would be playing music the whole time that I was there.  I told him that it might be boring for him and that if he got restless, I would have to call his mommy to come get him.  He acknowledged that he understood all that I had said and ran to the car.

As I walked out the door, my wife and I made our plans for what would happen in ten minutes when I called her.  Still, there was a part of me that was kind of hopeful.  Maybe this time would be different.  Maybe he actually would not act crazy, you know, he is my son and all.  My wife handed me the "survival kit" filled with crayons, coloring books, and various other creative distractions just in case.

We drove the few miles to my church and walked inside.  I immediately began setting up and he took to coloring in the front pew.  As the rehearsal got started, he stood there, encapsulated by the sounds, staring up at everything that was happening in front of him.  He didn't yell, he didn't misbehave, he simply watched and listened.  Every once in a while, he would dance and one time he even grabbed a couple of pencils and began using them as drumsticks, not in an "I'm an annoying 3 year old" kind of way but almost as if he knew exactly what he was doing (did he?).

My wife came by after an hour and asked how it was going.  I informed her that he had done surprisingly well.  When she told him that he had to leave, he put up a fuss, more than he had the whole time that he had been there.  We agreed that he could stick it out for another hour, and he did.  There were a number of times that I could have forgotten that he was there.  He didn't act like a 3 year old, he acted like someone interested in seeing what their daddy was doing.

It wasn't until much later that night, after rehearsal and meeting were over, that I actually began to reflect on what happened.  I was still so surprised at how he had acted, but why?  Why could I not even give my own child the benefit of the doubt?  Maybe past experience had been too strong to be ignored.  Maybe I'm just a cynic.  Whatever it was, I could have stifled him there and then, but something in me thought I would let him try it out.

As I was recently reading for one of my classes, I stumbled upon this quote from Dr. Wess Stafford, president and CEO of Compassion International, "Allowing children into the mainstream of our lives lets them learn and understand their worth, not someday, but today.  The most precious thing we can give our children as parents is warm, positive memories.  More important than making cookies, getting the shopping done, or cleaning the house is what happens along the way.  Childhood happens!"  That's when this all hit me like a ton of bricks.

Time is no respecter of persons, it slows down for no one.  In the immortal words of Ferris Bueller, "Life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it."  We only have so much time with our kids to make an impact, to show them we love them, to spend quality time with them.  I am guilty of missing it sometimes, but I do my best to make the most of what I have.

In the book by Stafford that I was reading called Too Small to Ignore, he goes on to say that we need to integrate children into our lives more, let them know that they are meaningful now, not when they grow up and can be "more productive."  Like I said, it was a pretty heavy hitting moment for me as I put all the dots together.

My oldest son recently reported to me that I am the best dad in the world.  When I asked him why, he said because I make him laugh.  I was touched by the simplicity of his statement, but it also made me realize how important laughter and time are.  I need to find more times to simply laugh with my children.  I need to remember when they're pretending, that the ideas they have now could change the world some day.  I want them to know that they're important to me now, not when they could be "more useful" to me.

One day, they'll be on their own and I wonder what they'll remember.  Will they remember all the times I scolded them for playing ball in the house, or the times that I grabbed the ball, ran outside, and started playing with them?  Will they remember the times I told them not to touch my guitar or the times that they came to a rehearsal with me and got to see exactly what Daddy does?  I hope and pray that I can always remember to give them the benefit of the doubt, after all, someone did it for me, the least I can do is pay it forward.